I was recently about to make a drastic career change and my boss said to me:
Lola, don't make one decision contingent upon another.
So i stopped, and i thought about it. I chose not to make the move based upon the fact that i was pissed about certain changes affecting my current position.
Instead i decided to wait until I'm ready before i make that move.
In Trinidad they use the word "force-ripe" to describe things that become, before they are ready. Amazing how in Trinidad the wisest words are derivative of the simple mango.
In the past i have made many decisions contingent upon some simple thing that could easily have worked itself out. As a result i have so often felt disastrously force-ripe.
My love life is the best example and clearly the main example that i am alluding to. "You" pissed me off so I'm gonna go be with "him." Force-ripe. I'm not over "you" yet, but i still don't want to lose a chance with "him" so i become his before I'm ready. Then the whole force-ripe relationship falls through.
Not ready to be what he needs me to be, but i don't want to let him go; so i try and i fail. Why? because it was force-ripe.
I'm not heartless, I'm just force-ripe.Not ready. Or at least that was the case.
Now, i have made my decision to let go. Contingent upon no other factor besides my heart. And for the first time in a while i feel like I'm making the absolute best decision.
...so ready or not.here i come. you can't hide. i'm gonna find you. and make you want me...
Everyday i say to myself, "Lola...take a pic of this outfit, Lola. Blog about the fashion Lola."
Then i realize that i don't yet have a camera man, and then i abandon ship. Well f#ck that.
Self pictures are better than no pictures!
So here's me, day one on my quest to see how many ways i can come up with to take these self pics.
shirt Loro Piana, skirt Alexander Wang, belt Zara, shoes Vera Wang Lavender
Here's a close up of my shoes which i love because they are sooooo comfortable! Also, meet my latest acquisition:
They're the blood red Sam Edelman Novatos. Yesss!
There's much more, but its not as fun taking pics of clothes when they're not on...maybe i'll bring out my dress form for u bitches. ;-) I finally gave in and bought a huge Elizabeth and james cocoon shrug that i've admired for months and an Alexander Wang cape. They're too amazing not to post!
At some point you have to be straight up honest with yourself. With that said, i honestly am over myself.
I am such a bitch.
In many ways this works for me. Nothing phases me, i don't get overly emotional (which i see as a direct sign of weakness), i often give off an intimidating vibe (which i see as a direct sign of power).
But man, its also totally screwed up my heart.
I deal with shit i shouldn't. I shy away from the shit i need.
I just wanna fix it.
You wouldn't believe what i had, what I've been through, what I've lost.
I've got so much to do but for now, fuck this shit. I'm over and out.
But you...you can call me missile, and I'll call you target . ;-)
So it seems i got overly adventurous and clicked a button that fucked up my perfect little blog layout and applied someone Else's fucked up ugly ass template. This is why my blog is so inexplicably, disgusting at the moment. I am experiencing complete rage at my self right now. They say if it aint broke don't fix it, but clearly i don't listen to what they say. I'm going to go cry and spend all night trying to get back. See u tomorrow voyeurs.
Its very rare that a song seriously appeals to me. This one, however, makes me want to float out in space, alone, for as long as it takes, until i find my futuristic lover, beacuse i know hes somewhere out in the universe. Where are you my love?
Katy Perry Featuring Kanye West
I got a dirty mind/I got filthy ways/I’m tryna Bath my Ape in your Milky Way/I’m a legend, I’m irreverent, I'll be revered/ I be so fa-a-ar up, we don’t give a f-f-f-f-ck/Welcome to the danger zone / Step into the fantasy/You are not invited to the otherside of sanity/They calling me an alien/A big headed astronaut/Maybe it’s because your boy Yeezy get ass a lot
You're so hypnotizing / Could you be the devil / Could you be an angel
Your touch magnetizing / Feels like I am floating / Leaves my body glowing
They say be afraid
You're not like the others / Futuristic lover
Different DNA / They don't understand you
Your from a whole other world / A different dimension
You open my eyes /And I'm ready to go /Lead me into the light
Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me/Infect me with your love and/Fill me with your poison
Take me, ta-ta-take me/Wanna be a victim/Ready for abduction
Boy, you're an alien /Your touch are foreign /It's supernatural
Your so supersonic /Wanna feel your powers /Stun me with your lasers
Your kiss is cosmic /Every move is magic
Your from a whole other world /A different dimension/You open my eyes
And I'm ready to go/Lead me into the light
This is transcendental/On another level
Boy, you're my lucky star /I wanna walk on your wave length
And be there when you vibrate/For you I'll risk it all
I know a bar out in Mars /Where they driving spaceships instead of cars/Cop a Prada spacesuit about the stars /Getting stupid ass straight out the jar/Pockets on Shrek, Rockets on deck /Tell me what’s next, alien sex /I’ma disrobe you, than I’mma probe you /See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do /I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do