Ready Or Not...

I was recently about to make a drastic career change and my boss said to me:

Lola, don't make one decision contingent upon another.

So i stopped, and i thought about it. I chose not to make the move based upon the fact that i was pissed about certain changes affecting my current position.

Instead i decided to wait until I'm ready before i make that move.

In Trinidad they use the word "force-ripe" to describe things that become, before they are ready. Amazing how in Trinidad the wisest words are derivative of the simple mango.

In the past i have made many decisions contingent upon some simple thing that could easily have worked itself out. As a result i have so often felt disastrously force-ripe.

My love life is the best example and clearly the main example that i am alluding to. "You" pissed me off so I'm gonna go be with "him." Force-ripe. I'm not over "you" yet, but i still don't want to lose a chance with "him" so i become his before I'm ready. Then the whole force-ripe relationship falls through.

Not ready to be what he needs me to be, but i don't want to let him go; so i try and i fail. Why? because it was force-ripe.

I'm not heartless, I'm just force-ripe. Not ready. Or at least that was the case.

Now, i have made my decision to let go. Contingent upon no other factor besides my heart. And for the first time in a while i feel like I'm making the absolute best decision.

xoLola

...so ready or not.here i come. you can't hide. i'm gonna find you. and make you want me...