broken hearted.

MY LOVE LIES BLEEDING.

-Thomas Campbell

Oh, and one more thing...

Sunday Funday

Finally made it out on Saturday night with my ace boon coon to celebrate her engagement. Drama filled night, but nonetheless worth it.

Whats better than "send me a pic"?

tank A Wang, jacket H&M

After a few hours of sleep, off to work...

pant Club Monaco, t-shirt vintage, jacket Alexander Wang

The jacket is best at the back

After work, lover bears with a few of my fav people in the world.



In this moment i just feel so alive...

Oh, hello...

Hey.

We got a webcam.

This was indeed a sunday funday...

Ready Or Not...

I was recently about to make a drastic career change and my boss said to me:

Lola, don't make one decision contingent upon another.

So i stopped, and i thought about it. I chose not to make the move based upon the fact that i was pissed about certain changes affecting my current position.

Instead i decided to wait until I'm ready before i make that move.

In Trinidad they use the word "force-ripe" to describe things that become, before they are ready. Amazing how in Trinidad the wisest words are derivative of the simple mango.

In the past i have made many decisions contingent upon some simple thing that could easily have worked itself out. As a result i have so often felt disastrously force-ripe.

My love life is the best example and clearly the main example that i am alluding to. "You" pissed me off so I'm gonna go be with "him." Force-ripe. I'm not over "you" yet, but i still don't want to lose a chance with "him" so i become his before I'm ready. Then the whole force-ripe relationship falls through.

Not ready to be what he needs me to be, but i don't want to let him go; so i try and i fail. Why? because it was force-ripe.

I'm not heartless, I'm just force-ripe. Not ready. Or at least that was the case.

Now, i have made my decision to let go. Contingent upon no other factor besides my heart. And for the first time in a while i feel like I'm making the absolute best decision.

xoLola

...so ready or not.here i come. you can't hide. i'm gonna find you. and make you want me...

Self Portrait

Everyday i say to myself, "Lola...take a pic of this outfit, Lola. Blog about the fashion Lola."

Then i realize that i don't yet have a camera man, and then i abandon ship. Well f#ck that.

Self pictures are better than no pictures!

So here's me, day one on my quest to see how many ways i can come up with to take these self pics.

shirt Loro Piana, skirt Alexander Wang, belt Zara, shoes Vera Wang Lavender

Here's a close up of my shoes which i love because they are sooooo comfortable!
Also, meet my latest acquisition:

They're the blood red Sam Edelman Novatos. Yesss!

There's much more, but its not as fun taking pics of clothes when they're not on...maybe i'll bring out my dress form for u bitches. ;-) I finally gave in and bought a huge Elizabeth and james cocoon shrug that i've admired for months and an Alexander Wang cape. They're too amazing not to post!

...Until then...

xoLola

F#ck this shit.

At some point you have to be straight up honest with yourself. With that said, i honestly am over myself.

I am such a bitch.

In many ways this works for me. Nothing phases me, i don't get overly emotional (which i see as a direct sign of weakness), i often give off an intimidating vibe (which i see as a direct sign of power).

But man, its also totally screwed up my heart.

I deal with shit i shouldn't. I shy away from the shit i need.

I just wanna fix it.

You wouldn't believe what i had, what I've been through, what I've lost.

I've got so much to do but for now, fuck this shit. I'm over and out.

But you...you can call me missile, and I'll call you target . ;-)

deuces.

xoLola

I Want That Old Thing Back

I'm slowly redoing my template and its clear that i will never be able to get it back to the exact same state.

:-(

I guess it was time for a minor remodel anyway...

:-(

If you are curious as to what the piece of shit life ruiner template that i mistakenly switched to looked like take a gander:

Disgusting.

I still have a ton of glitches to work out (ie my shrunken banner), but I'm getting there. I guess.

FML

So it seems i got overly adventurous and clicked a button that fucked up my perfect little blog layout and applied someone Else's fucked up ugly ass template. This is why my blog is so inexplicably, disgusting at the moment. I am experiencing complete rage at my self right now. They say if it aint broke don't fix it, but clearly i don't listen to what they say. I'm going to go cry and spend all night trying to get back. See u tomorrow voyeurs.

You're Not Like The Others x Futuristic Lover

Its very rare that a song seriously appeals to me. This one, however, makes me want to float out in space, alone, for as long as it takes, until i find my futuristic lover, beacuse i know hes somewhere out in the universe. Where are you my love?

Katy Perry Featuring Kanye West

"E.T."

[Kanye West]

I got a dirty mind/I got filthy ways/I’m tryna Bath my Ape in your Milky Way/I’m a legend, I’m irreverent, I'll be revered/ I be so fa-a-ar up, we don’t give a f-f-f-f-ck/Welcome to the danger zone / Step into the fantasy/You are not invited to the otherside of sanity/They calling me an alien/A big headed astronaut/Maybe it’s because your boy Yeezy get ass a lot

[Katy]

You're so hypnotizing / Could you be the devil / Could you be an angel

Your touch magnetizing / Feels like I am floating / Leaves my body glowing

They say be afraid

You're not like the others / Futuristic lover

Different DNA / They don't understand you

Your from a whole other world / A different dimension

You open my eyes /And I'm ready to go /Lead me into the light

[Chorus]

Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me/Infect me with your love and/Fill me with your poison

Take me, ta-ta-take me/Wanna be a victim/Ready for abduction

Boy, you're an alien /Your touch are foreign /It's supernatural

Extraterrestrial

Your so supersonic /Wanna feel your powers /Stun me with your lasers

Your kiss is cosmic /Every move is magic

Your from a whole other world /A different dimension/You open my eyes

And I'm ready to go/Lead me into the light

[Chorus]

This is transcendental/On another level

Boy, you're my lucky star /I wanna walk on your wave length

And be there when you vibrate/For you I'll risk it all

[Kanye West]

I know a bar out in Mars /Where they driving spaceships instead of cars/Cop a Prada spacesuit about the stars /Getting stupid ass straight out the jar/Pockets on Shrek, Rockets on deck /Tell me what’s next, alien sex /I’ma disrobe you, than I’mma probe you /See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do /I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do

[Chorus]

Don't take my word for it.

Watch:

Days Spent

I recently went away to the US Virgin Islands and had the time of my life. I was trying to hold out on doing this post until I got all of the pics loaded onto my laptop, but i just haven't had a chance. I intended to do a fabulous pic by pic, blow by blow recount, but at this point i don't even want to relive it. That's all a memory. Clearly once again everything has changed and nothing has changed. So, I'll just let it fly with what I've got on my phone...

Upon arrival...

Lunch on the water...

Dinner on the doc...

The majestic cruise ships passing right outside the villa...

Iguana stick up...

Beach bronzed...

There are tons more, all of which I'm sure are better; they're simply not in my possession...

Sorry Voyeurs.

Nonetheless, it was fabulous and relaxing. Its also over so lets get back to reality. Forgive my pessimistic approach to such a seemingly wonderful trip. Its just that everything has changed. And nothing has either.

Love, Lola.

Vacay Hair?

I am having a very hard time deciding what i want to do with my hair for this impending vacation. My fellow black girls, i know you are quite familiar with this dilemma. My hair gets very curly when it gets wet. The thing about it is, it doesn't stay as cute and curly when it dries. I absolutely don't want to deal with a mop of bad curls when I'm supposed to be looking like a tropical bronzed goddess.

I did my hair yesterday to see how long it would take and determine whether i should just tough it out and bring the blow drier/flatiron with me and straighten as necessary.

I started here:

(a bad blow dry job that took about 40 min)

and ended up here:

(a flatiron job that took about 45 min)

Now, do i really want to spend almost 2 hours doing hair while on vacay? hell no.

I thought about doing this look (in black of course):

But my mom gave me an ear full about how terrible this look is for me. Yes, i have tried it before.

And god forbid i do typical vacay hair (aka wet and wavy). I need a solution, and fast because it needs to be done today! Suggestions?

Ugh....

Wild Thang

So yesterday at the mall a few of my friends and I were craving a snack after we had lunch. Naturally they headed into Dylans Candy Shop, and i headed into Bebe right next door. We clearly have different perspectives on what a post-lunch snack is.

They came out with bags of chocolate, i came out with a bag of shoes.

Meet my new acquisition:

I call her Nina. Shes a beast. Since I'm a M'uh fuc&in Monsta that's a Monsta shoe!

I also got a hat for vacay. Yesss...

I'm getting ready to hit the city right now because I've been so disloyal to Soho in terms of my sporadic shopping. See you guys tonight with another episode of Lola's mergers and acquisitions.

xoLola

By the way have u guys noticed that i am back to using capital letters? Not capitalizing is too unnatural. Not that it matters.

Mergers & Acquisitions

im prepping for my vacation, so i took a gander at the offerings at saks and nordstrom. i went in looking for a simple pair of flip flops. i came out with all of this (smh).

Take a look at my most recent acqusitions voyeurs:

so i started off on track. i'm usually not much of a Tory Burch kind of girl, but hey; they're flip flops.

i got these at saks. when i have them on you can't see the burberry print so they're actually not all that obnoxious.

here's where things started getting out of hand...

i don't own a pair of rainboots soooo....

i've been stalking these from the time i saw them in the Nordstrom February catalog so i satiated my thirst.

and then came the sams....mmmmm....

i have them in the black leather:

but the nude are pure sex, and sex sells, so now i own them times 2.

i also got these cute little Betsy Johnson shades, but then i realized that Chloe and Michael Kors have a better version, so i think i'll go back for those instead.

shout out to chase for modeling for me xoxo

i now have about 20% of my shopping done and i'm leaving on sunday. :-(

i've got lotsss of work to do.

...sorry again about the camera phone pics...
xoLola

M'uh Fu#%in Monstas

I shoot the lights out
Hide til its bright out
Whoa,
just another lonely night
Are you willing to sacrifice your life?

hello. my name is lola and i'm a m'uh fuc*in monsta.

i've created a few too.

here's why...

im never. ever. satisfied.

im so sick of settling. im sick of thinking 80 20, or 50 50. i want full
hundred.

i want my complete equal. i dont want to win or lose.

i want to go pound for pound and tie every single time.

i dont want to jerk any one around. i dont want to bounce back and forth i dont want to settle.

i wont settle for another daddy, or another baby, i wont settle for a rolling stone, i wont settle with being your secret, i wont be okay with your attitude.

so call me a monster for not being happy.

because when lola's not happy no one's happy.

so there u go. this ring is only open to the boys in my weight
class.

i want this:

meet me here. im moving to this planet:

im here...

i've been gone for way too long; i know.

sorry.

i'm back.

i've missed u. hope that u all missed me. :-)

my last post was on april 19th and since then everything has changed and nothing has changed. i don't think its worth it to cram it all into one post, so we'll take it easy.

let me start with a simple list...

i know i did this in the beginning, but here are a few more things you should know about me seeing as how everything has changed...and nothing has either


1. i got the nickname Lola from my little brother who is fabulous and visionary. much like Prince, when William gives you a name, you take it, you use it and you like it.

2. someone once told me i was dipped in good in the sweetest way. my, how inverted your vision was. ha.

3. if i could make anyone write the story of my life, it would be maya angelou. adele would have to sing it.

4. ATL is still one of my favorite movies. ever.

5. i have mastered stoicism. or maybe stoicism has mastered me, because i am able to surpress my emotions to the point where i sometimes wonder if i still have any.

6. i'm truly, madly deeply in love with a man named Alexander Wang. and im certain that its reciprocal because everything he designs loves my body back.

7. i believe what they say about 2012. so im just trying to get right before then.

8. i have come to know my soulmate

9. this year will be my quarter century b day and i hate it

10. i want to fall head-over-heels, sick-to-my-stomach, forever-and-ever back in love with this one person. i want to fall to that place and never come back.

11. i love rap music. right now im particularly into Kanye. i understand him.

12. i feel that my calling is journalism. im on a career tangent at the moment as i do the fashion thing, but my weapon of choice will always be the pen.

13. i have only one vice: shopping. ('i be killin em' -fab)

14. i've been floating in the atmosphere for this past year. i'm trying to get grounded again

15. my son is my life

16. someone suggested that i am the bitch in the equation below. i want to change that.

so here i am voyeurs. as im sure you've gathered already, im on a quest for love, happiness, fashion and fun. i want to document my journey here, everyday, in every single way so stay tuned.

i apologize for the pic...until i find a real daily photographer its "camera in the mirror bbm pose" (i be killen 'em) :-)

♥ lola