i still believe

Some days i'm strong and resilient.
Guns drawn, i'm so militant

Some days i'm soft and pink.
I just paint my toes and i think...

Today i'm so lavender.

Like pink with a drop of black in it.

Today i'm wishing on stars
Taking day-dream voyages to mars
Just wanting to be wherever you are

Today i envy hugs and kisses
Today my body misses
The touch
That i loved so much

Today,
My heart would be soft and pink
Except for the drop of ink
Thet fell from my pen
When...

I paused to realize that
This side of heaven is where i'm at...

i still believe in love

just waiting for the one who will take my hand while we leap over to the other side


...waiting...
xoLola

I Paint My Toes Pink

I think,

As i paint my toes pink,

This is love,

This is war,

I rise while you sink

And i think

This battle, i'll win

Come big guns

Or black bullets

Bring your lies

Bring your sins

A stroke of the brush

My mind strays from his reign

No longer his kingdom

No longer my pain

Once again,

My thoughts become yours

This is love

This is fate

You persist through wars

These pink thoughts

are not sweet,
but sincere.
I have something to prove
And nothing to fear

If you have my back,

I have munition on deck

He aims at my heart

While i aim for the neck

Still i think,

I don't want to fight
You hold me
console me
say everything's alright

Enough,
I dont want to be tough
Show me your truth
I'm done with his bluff

At the end of the day,


Im just the girl...
With pretty pink nails
Who has faith in the world





My punctuation is inconsistent. I don't feel like putting commas where they belong. I have no patience to capitalize every I.



You get it.



Under the black, there is pink.

2 x 2.25.10 x Re-do :-/

Ok. This project 365 is harder than i thought. So lets start again, shall we?

I'm in the process of a life makeover.

First, I'm single (all my single ladies!).

I danced to that song at the club for the first time the other night. I loved and hated it at the same time.

Second, my career is kicking into high gear.

Third, 'sall good. ;-)

Here we go. Again.

Today it snowed golf balls and I, like a silly goose, wore cute shoes.


These shoes were NOT made for walking (in ice). Still, I stumbled my way out of the Tribeca lofts and into the abyss where I wanna be.

I was an emotional wreck all day, and this came tumbling out of me...


I push front,
He falls back,
Two bodies braced for an attack.

I fall back,
He leans forth,
Spits nasty words to hit the source.

His blow connects,
I cringe in pain.
Now,
Things will never be the same.

My wounded mind says run away,
My wounded heart still wants to stay.

I push front,
Then I strike back.
Choose red words infused with facts.

He turns his face,
He didn't know.
His guards fall down like midnight snow.

I sense the breach,
As he falls back.
Again I tense for the attack.

Here we stand,
He and I.
No more secrets, no more lies.

I feel the moon has come to stay.
Forever midnight,
So ends this day.

As we fall back,
Into the abyss,
We reach for eachother,
But our arms miss.

I fall back,
As does he.
Falling to places we don't want to be.

"Are you there?",
I call into the night.
There is no answer,
We've both lost this fight.

"Where are you love?"
He shouts to the air,
There is no answer,
Forth comes the fear.

I am scared to face the dark,
He fears our love has missed it's mark.
But every darkness becomes light,
This cold dark night will soon be bright.

I fall back,
I let it burn,
Though for his comfort I sometimes yearn.

He moves forth,
In search of day,
Although Sometimes he'd like to stay.

I push forth
He falls back
We watch the fire fade to black.

A love is undone,
But hearts do mend,
We fought until the bitter end.

Already though,
I'm so ready to go,
Towards this beautiful tomorrow.

Its been a while since i played with words. I missed it.

Until tomorrow voyeurs.

xoLola

L Words

So lovely,
So lovely are his words
The verbs
That get under my skin,
Make me wonder “where has he been?”
As his words make my head spin
Again,
and again…

as for now we only speak,
but these sweet nothings make me weak
make me wonder do I seek,
what he has
what I lack
and so I ask
what is so lovely about this man
to whom right now I only speak
but yet his words, they make me weak
damn, so lovely how we speak
but yet so weak,
A paradox, it seems I like him

To Like,
Another word,
Another verb
And though I know it seems absurd
That just his words
Have made me like him
Made me want to know more,
Adore,
The way that he is,
The way that he’s not,
Damn, I’ve thickened the plot.
Because right now we’re only friends
And our bond does not transcend
The rules that keep good friends at bay,
Away,
From this word, this verb, “to Like”
This cannot be alright
How could I, his friend, like him?
Better yet could I invite him
To like me back?
Or would that be
An unintentional attack
On our friendship?

As time goes by I like him more
Adore
The way he says my name
Lola...
The way he calls me baby
As he lulls to sleep
So maybe,
Baby,
I should show you how I feel
For real
Because this like, this word, this verb
No longer occurs without the presence of another L word
Lust

So now I lust after your lips
After your scent
They way you noticed how my nose is bent
Your eyes
Their size
Their shape, the color
How I wonder
What it would be like for you
To do
Those things that make me say …Ooh

At night I think
To myself
This cant be good
For my health
He’s just my friend,
Then again,
I want him

I want him in every
Single
way
I want him more
Every
Single
day
I want him to kiss
my fears
away
I want him to be
I want him to stay.
Because I love him

Damn,
I just got hit
With another word
Another verb
Another feeling
That’s got my heart reeling
Out of control
I’m feeling my soul
Be penetrated
By his touch


I want him to turn me out
To show me what he’s all about
I’m so willing
To take that route
But then again he’s just my friend
And even more,
I’m not the only one that wants him

So hither comes another word
Another verb
Another chick
Another girl who claims she loves him
She says she wants,
Says she needs,
To have him back
She begs him please
To put her broken soul at ease
To take her back
To just appease
Her needs

And though he says their love’s undone,
That she is no longer the one,
Still I wonder.
Three years she made him feel complete,
How could my love ever compete
With hers?

Still I know
That that
Was long ago
And so
I don’t sweat it
I let it just be
And just hope that you and me
Will see
What its like
To be lovely,
To like,
To lust,
To love
To be lost in that place
In a space
Where we’re free to expand
And withstand
All the shit that may be.
So baby…

Let’s just go
Just let it loose
Let’s just grow
Teach me words
Teach me secret verbs
Beginning with “L”
and I wont tell

So Lets,
Explore the alphabet
Discover words from a to z
That describe
What you and me
Have come to be

Lets
get lost,
in this Linguistic,
Lullaby,
Lets,
Allow the months to pass us by,
Lets
Cruise our way
Through May,
Please,
Rock my senses through June
July, august
And soon
We won’t even remember
that its September
Much less October…
Fuck being sobered
By the restraints of time
Just be mine
Lets move too fast
Let me be the last
To kiss you goodnight
Lets go left,
Fuck what’s right

So baby,
Hear these L’s roll off of my tongue
Because you’re the one,
And I’m here
to let you know that you’re
lovely
and I hope that one day you’ll
love me
the way I’m loving you
and I’m lusting
for you mind body an soul
because I need you
to make me feel whole
and I like
how you make me want to spit these verbs,
so baby feel me
when I speak these L words.






I wrote this for him in the beginning...And still so it is and ever shall be...
Sweet memories...

Im Focused Man

Demand it.
Take it if you must.
Steal it if it is necessary.
Buy it if you can afford it.
Look for it if it must be found.
Fight for it come blows or bloody knuckles.
Push for it…
Topple the walls that hold it with your might
Work for it. Let it be your wage.
Cry for it if it will float closer on your tears.
Barter, trade all if prudent.
Wish for it if you believe wishes come true.
Hustle for it where haste does not make waste.
Scream for it until your lungs bleed then use the joy of having it to repair the wound.
Trick your way to it if you are clever.
Beg your way to it if you are not.
Flex what you have if you have enough to intimidate its possessor.
Fake what you have if you do not.
Lie the cruelest lie if your lies will allow you to have it
Talk your way to it until you have uttered this worlds every word
Kill for it if murder is worth its prize
Go for it, even when the going gets tough.
Search. Look. Gaze upon horizons until you can rest your eyes on the prize.
Walk to the corners of the world, or else run until you catch it.
Get it. Find gods speed and harness it.
Whatever you desire is attainable.
Make IT yours.


I wrote this to myself years ago and it helped me blaze my way through college. Its time to get back on IT.
For now, my its are:

• The continual betterment of everything pertaining to my son
• My law degree
• $
• Finding forgiveness in my heart
• Peace of mind

What's your IT?

Feel Me...

I'm so,

Dynamic...
Have you heard?

I hiss these words
That vibrate...
Can you feel me?

Im screaming,
But im silent
Do you hear it?

A breath
of my fresh
Smells like dynamite

Cuz im dynamic,
Have you heard?

Watch,
Eyes open.
I'm creeping up...
Your spot...
Didn't see me,
Did you?

Boom, buzz
Eclectic
So dynamic,
Its electric,

Can you feel me?

You slip,
I catch,
You're caught
I hiss
Baby, I,
Never miss
And it vibrates

Loosen up baby,
Open wide
I got you open
Senses wide open...
Can you feel me?

I know you do
I feel you too
Feelin me...

I fucked with ya
And now you sense
My sex
My mindsex
And then
I trapped ya
I got ya
I shot ya

Because I'm,
So,
Dynamic,
Have you heard?